A Sense Of Finality

My official high school grades came out this week. Two years of IB, condensed into a number.

At this point (and at the point where my friends were urging me to check my grades) I don’t really care about them anymore. I kind of knew my score in my heart anyway, and that’s what I got. I gave myself an “official self-prediction” of one mark below that, just in case. Turns out that was unnecessary.

It was a good grade. It’s just that nothing depends on it. I’m going to my university. I don’t have offers that this number will make or break. I figure that the most important bits of the IB have already gone by, and that was the two whole years of it. The staying up at night. The teamwork with classmates. The evenings spent with friends. The lunchtimes spent sleeping. The occasional depression and desperation. Those were what mattered.

Not this. This feels like an afterthought.

It carries no weight anymore.


New Beginnings

[(I was going to post this yesterday, but my proxy wouldn’t work. So pretend it’s still July 1st, yo.)]

July 1st. New month. First day of the summer holidays (for most, at least). Whatever.

So I had a blog somewhere else, but then I got bored of it and decided to start over, like I usually do with Internet identities. And this time I have an excuse and that excuse is graduation.

Couple words about high school graduation: delayed ceremony, worn-off nostalgia, stuffy hats, shitty weather, long speeches, pretentious photographs. But we got our lunch card refunds, and I still have some of that left over. So it wasn’t too bad. (Actually in all honesty I guess the ceremony wasn’t bad at all, except it was two weeks late and I still don’t like the way I looked in that cap. I gave a shitty speech that outlasted its welcome because school administration wanted me to do it in two languages instead of one and my cap kept slipping when I was trying to receive my diploma with dignity.)

Couple words about two months into future: Tufts University, excited, new friends, yay.

Couple words about immediate future: Moving, shitty city, no friends, nay.

Today (apart from marking the beginning of July, the beginning of some holidays, and my mom’s birthday (Happy Birthday mom)) also marks the day I will move to a city that neighbors the one I live in now. This city is Shanghai. And I will call the new city Wxxx.

Put simply, Shanghai out-cities any other city in China. And in my humble opinion Wxxx doesn’t really make a city at all, just roads and suburb and an occasional mall. And the shops close at from 8 to 10 p.m. (This is where I get to sound like a bitchy, spoilt city girl in this post, because I don’t get to do it enough in real life.) Hopefully when I come back to Shanghai I’ll not feel (or look) like a middle schooler walking into some upscale cafe. Goodbye, three 24hr convenience stores under my apartment building. Goodbye, countless cafes. Goodbye, outings that last until 3 a.m.

Hello to shitty nightlife. No nightlife. Or no life at all. Hello healthy, boring old retired life.

And hello new blog hello whoever you are that is reading this post. You can totally tell that this is going to be a shiny, positive, upbeat space.